On Being Mortal

I was determined to wake up early enough to exercise.  I always envied those people who woke up at the crack of dawn to start sweating and jumping around.  It seemed almost gloriously psychotic.

One of my coworkers has a wife who is a personal trainer.  She’s begun these early morning class-boot camp type things.  She and a bunch of other women get up and meet at 5 AM.  They do a series of stretches and warm-ups before running and all sorts of calorie burning activities.  I don’t know if I’d ever sign up for it (one, because I wouldn’t pay to have someone yelling at me at 5AM to tell me I’m a slow ball of beancurd rolling down the sidewalk).  But, I later talked to her one day and she says she gets up so early, she usually has to sleep during the day.  And she’s worried her daughters will look back and think, “All mommy would do is sleep all day…..”

Anyhow, this particular morning, I jumped up and popped in my Taebo DVD.  That’s right.  This is 2011.  And that’s right.  I’m watching a DVD from 1999.  Most friends I tell this story to, don’t believe that they even had Taebo on DVD; they only remember the VHS tapes.  But here I was, pressing the play button.

I’d done this routine so many times I don’t even need to look at the screen.  It’s more just for the sound, I suppose and the occasional motivation I get from looking at Billy Blank’s sweaty brow.  There I was, stretching and breathing, kicking and punching, twisting and focusing.  I love it when he says the line, “Where’s your weight?  Where’s your weight?  But the real question, where’s your heart?”

So there I was, feeling pretty good and it was getting near the end of the routine because we were in the section where we do squats.  In the last few minutes, you do squats and then hold a squat for about 10 seconds.  And as I hold my legs firm to support my squat, a shooting pain runs down my lower back and I yelp.  I slump over onto my bed and can’t move.  Pain felt like it was spewing from my back.  I tried breathing slowly.  I couldn’t stand up straight.

What was more painful than the feeling in my back, was the realization that I’ve become one of those people who have to be careful when exercising because of their body limitations.  How sad.  I’m falling apart.

I probably blew the whole thing out of proportion.  I probably didn’t shift my weight correctly to support my squat.  But it still made me feel awfully….mortal.  As I type this, I’m still feeling tweaks in my back and wonder if I need another aspirin.  *sigh*

Six-feet Deep

I walked into the room and felt that feeling of insecurity everyone encounters when they feel out of place.  Almost as if everyone’s eyes are planted on you, but when you look, no one’s looking in your direction at all which is then when you start thinking, “Why don’t people notice me?”  It’s a sick, twisted game that will never end.  However, slowly, that cold ice is melted away as your vision focuses and you find familiar faces and wave.

However, I wouldn’t call these people my friends.  I don’t really have that close knit circle of friends that I can confide in: no Monica to my Rachel, no Snoopy to my Charlie Brown, not even a Cartman to my Kyle.  More importantly no friend who I’d call in the event I had to murder someone.  Who would aide me if I needed a helping hand digging a six-foot deep hole in the backwoods of the boonies?  Probably my older sister, Nancy. With my mom a close second.  Only because I don’t want to taint my little brother and little sister’s idyllic version of me.  My father’s too old and I don’t want him to hurt his back; he’s in the process of getting dentures.  My older sister already knows I’m shit and I’m fine with that.  But I taught my little bro and little sis fractions for gosh sakes!  Fractions and burying corpses do not mix.  No, no, no-that’s a fact.

The moral of the story is, I just was never good with being a consistent friend to people.  And that’s my cross to bear.  I’m introverted, with spasms of extroversion.  I’m a hermit, until I’m invited to a birthday party.  I’m anti-social, until I tell a joke amongst a crowd.  It does feel nice when people laugh at me.  For the right reasons, of course.

I was lying next to my boyfriend one day, talking.  When I suddenly blurted out, “I think I treat people like customers sometimes. And I think that’s why I have trouble with friendships.”

What did you say?

Customers.  Like at my mom’s store.  I’m friendly and I’m nice to people.  I want them to like me.  But then they leave.  And that’s how it should be.  Nothing more.   I don’t know how to develop relationships with people because I understand I need to be nice and cordial.  But I’d never hang out with a customer.  I’d never go to a movie with a customer. You know….

Interesting…that’s really interesting.

Do you think I’m weird?

No…I think you’re sorta had…like a break-through.

Yeah.  Sorta, I guess.

Well, what are going to do about it now?

Not sure.  Part of me thinks things are ok.   I enjoy my lone time.  Sometimes I find it hard balancing whatever semi-relationships I have now.  If I invested more time in them, I don’t know how I’d cope.

Okay, maybe you are weird.

Yeah, I know.  But that’s why you like me.

That’s true.  Don’t worry.  You are who you are.  You don’t have to apologize for that.

Would you help me dig a six-foot deep hole?

Huh?

Never mind.

Weirdo.

Cast On Knitting-Baby Steps

So after two days of youtube videos, three how-to-knit books from the library, and one beginner’s knitting guide, I finally completed my first cast on stitch!  It was pretty tough.  I just couldn’t get the knots right.  But finally, it was like I had to break through this wall and I was able to get through that first lesson.  Knitting here I come!

Ha Gow-Chinese Shrimp Dumpings-(My good attempt..)

So, this past weekend I went to eat dimsum with my boyfriend at a popular Chinese restaurant, Maxim’s, on Greenville in Richardson.  It’s always been really solid.  But even though the food was delicious, I couldn’t help but think to myself, We should totally just make our own dimsum.  Granted,  I probably couldn’t pull off the Red Chicken Feet or pickled jellyfish, but the dumplings like ha gow and shu mai, surely, they can’t be that difficult….could they?

My thoughts stayed with me when I was at home the other day and was rummaging through my cupboards when I saw that I had a bag of flour specifically for ha gow!  How fortuitous, indeed!  So why not try…

I pretty much used the recipe on the back of the flour packet as well as taking some tips from the America’s Test Kitchen International Cookbook , from one of my favorite food blogs, Rasa Malaysia, and some youtube videos.

First, gather all of your ingredients from the filling and the wrapper dough.

For filling: (You can adjust this according to your own taste.  Some people like to use bamboo shoots and pork fat, but I didn’t have those on hand.  You can also use ground pork if you don’t like shrimp.)

• 1 lb of  shrimp (shelled, deveined, cleaned, and patted dry)
• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 1 tsp of finely grated ginger
• 2 cloves of garlic, chopped
• 2 tbsp chopped scallion
• 3 tsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp of cooking wine
• 2 tsp of sugar
• ½ tsp of salt
• 2 tsp sesame oil
• 4 tsp tapioca starch, potato starch, or corn starch
• sprinkle of black pepper

I placed all of the ingredients into my food processor and got a fine chop to mix all of the flavors.  If it’s too wet, add more tapioca starch.

For the wrapper: Empty the flour packet into a metal bowl.  Add 1 cup of boiling water and 1 tbsp of oil.  Mix vigorously until it forms a white dough.

Cover with a wet towel and let sit for about 15 minutes.

After fifteen minutes, it’s time to roll out the dough and make your dumplings.  Spread cornstarch or flour out onto a clean surface.  Be sure to have your rolling pin.

Take your dough and split it into four balls.   Work with one dough ball at a time.  Place the remaining three back into the covered bowl.

Now here’s where things got tricky for me.  Whenever I tried rolling out the dough thin like at the dimsum places, the dough cracked.  So I added a bit of oil each time I rolled out the dough to make sure it stayed sticky.  But I still felt like the wrappers were thicker than desired.  I opted to not put a pic of the end result because they were not so pretty.  I’m embarrassed!  But they did taste good, so that’s all that matters!

So I rolled the dough out, cut out circles and placed about a tbsp of filling in each and pinched it together to make a dumpling.  Steam them for about 20 minutes.  When the wrappers are shiny and transparent, they are done!

So it was a good first try, but I think it’ll take a few more rounds to perfect the art of ha gow.  Looks like it wasn’t as easy as I thought!  But I hope this inspired you to try it out for yourself!  Good luck!

 

Mind Ooze

I woke up this morning with an impending doom looming over my head.  As I gazed at my room, peered into my closet, and assessed the mass of “things” that had accumulated in my life, I realized–I’d become my hoarding mother.  It was devastating.  Throughout my life, I’d spent my weekends trying to organize my mother’s convenience store, one shelf at a time.  She’d have so much stuff piled on the shelves, it was more like sifting through a landfill, then browsing through a shoppe.  It drove me crazy, because once I’d successfully organize and align the products on one shelf, the next week, they’d be disorganized and something would appear next to it that didn’t belong–like a can of dog food next to the carpet powder, or a box of candles on top of a stack of tampons, or tube socks next to the cans of green beans.  It was madness!!

And I chalked it up to my mother being a hoarder.  She refused to throw anything away and she was a magnet to clutter.  I thought I made conscience efforts to avoid this detrimental behavior that was imminent from my maternal genes.  I tried to donate things at least once a year to the Goodwill store, I recycled, and I even was making a good effort selling things on eBay. And yet, I still saw a closet-ful of clothes I probably haven’t worn in years with boxes filled with old textbooks and files gathering dust.

Just looking at the closet made my mind swirl with “You should throw that out!  You should donate that!  You should shred and recycle those papers!”   I took one look at the stuff and went to watch TV in the living room.  I’d have time on the weekend to take care of all that.  Right now I just wanted to relax and let my mind ooze for a while.

So I think the clutter apples don’t fall far from the hoarding tree.

Chinese Barbeque (Char Siu)

So flipping through the nifty cookbook I found at the library, I stumbled across an easy recipe for Char Siu or Chinese Barbeque.  Those who have had this know that Char siu is a sticky sweet delicious barbeque of succulent pork meat that goes great with steamed rice, on a salad, or on noodles.  No matter what, you’re in for a treat.  Typically, I usually get this from the local Chinese BBQ butcher, but that’s all the way in Garland or Richardson.  And why not try to do this myself in the comfort of my own kitchen!   I’ve heard people put all kinds of different secret ingredients in their char siu like coca-cola or 7-up.  I guess as you get more experienced and confident, you can tweak and add as you see fit.  But for this post, I pretty much was following the America’s Test Kitchen recipe.   It was a bit intimidating at first, but overall the results were great.  I took the America’s Test Kitchen recipe and modified it a bit to make it taste a bit more authentic.

Ingredients:

1     4-lb boneless pork butt cut into 1-1.5 inch strips (depending on your cut preference you can also use pork loin for leaner meat or pork belly for a fattier cut)

1/2 cup sugar (I substituted maltose for this.   It’s a mixture of water, sugar, and malt that looks like honey.   I hear its the secret to what the Chinese BBQ butchers use to get that glossy sticky glaze.  You can find it at your local Asian grocer in the honey and tea section.)

1/2 cup soy sauce

6 TB hoisin sauce

1/4 cup Chinese cooking wine (I used Mei Kuei Lu Chiew or Chinese Rose Wine.  It’s supposed to give a richer flavor.  It may be hard to find though so you don’t have to use this.  Alternatively, the Test Kitchen book says you can also use dry sherry)

2 TB grated ginger

2 minced cloves of garlic

1 TB sesame oil

1 tsp five-spice powder

1/4 tsp ground white pepper

1/4  cup ketchup

1/2 cup honey

Directions:

After gathering all of your ingredients, take your pork butt and cut it into 8 pieces.  I cut about 1 to 2 inch strips.  Take a fork and prick the pieces to allow the marinade to absorb into the meat.  Place strips in a plastic bag.  Set aside.

Whisk together the sugar, soy sauce, hoisin sauce, wine, ginger, garlic, sesame oil, five-spice powder and pepper in a metal bowl.  If you’re using maltose instead of sugar, whisk everything in a metal bowl over low heat on your stove since the maltose is so sticky, otherwise, you’ll just have a big lump of maltose.  You want to make sure it completely mixes with the other ingredients (10 minutes).

Once the marinade is completely mixed, measure out 1 cup and reserve for the basting glaze.  Take the bag of pork strips and pour the rest of the marinade into the bag.  Ensure that the pieces are completely covered with the marinade.  Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.  The cookbook recommends up to 4 hours.

While the meat marinades, take the reserved 1 cup of marinade and pour into a small saucepan.  Add the honey and ketchup.  Whisk over medium heat until you get a nice syrup.  This will be used for the basting glaze that will give the signature Char siu sweet, sticky crust.

After the meat has completely marinaded, you’re ready to cook it!  Heat the over to 300 degrees. Be sure to put your rack in the middle position.  Place foil on a baking sheet.  Set a clean wire rack on top of the baking sheet.  Spray or brush rack with vegetable oil.  Remove the pork strips from the plastic bag, letting excess marinade drip off.  Place on wire rack.  Put about 1/4 water on the bottom of the pan.  Cover entire pan with foil.  Roast for 20 minutes.

Now, here’s where it get’s a bit high maintenance, but the delicious results are worth it. Depending on your oven, adjust your roasting times plus or minus one minute.

• Remove the foil and cook for 45 more minutes.
• Turn the oven to broil and let roast for 8 more minutes.
• Brush the basting glaze onto the pieces.  Be careful of the heat!
• Roast for additional 5 minutes.
• Flip the meat over and brush with glaze.  Roast for 8 minutes.
• Brush with remaining glaze.  Roast for 5 more minutes.

Your meat should be a deep mahononey color with beautiful charred edges.  Let cool for 10 minutes and serve with rice, noodles, or salad!

Honey Boy Salmon Patties

For today’s adventure, I decided to look through my cupboard and make something I’ve never cooked before.  SALMON CAKES!  Honestly, I was a bit hesitant; they don’t sound awfully appetizing.  It conjured up an image of a slippery fish in between layers of sponge cake.  But that’s silly.  Many reviews online claim them as a classic family favorite.  And I do love salmon (typically with a teriyaki glaze or in a sushi roll).  So lo and behold, my mother had given me a can of Honey Boy salmon awhile back.  So why not?

So I go online and find a pleasant recipe from LiveStrong.com.  Here we go!

Ingredients:

• 1 can 15 oz Honey Boy Salmon
• 2 cups bread crumbs or crushed crackers (I used Ritz crackers)
• 1/3 cup chopped onion
• 1/4 cup milk
• 2 eggs
• 2 tbsp parsley (I only had dried, so used teaspoons of dried parsley)
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp fresh dill (I again only had dried, so used 1/4 tsp dried dill)
• 1/8 tsp black pepper
• 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

Gather ingredients first

Directions

Drain salmon, reserving 2 tablespoons liquid; flake salmon. Combine all ingredients including the 2 tablespoons of liquid.

Mix everything in a bowl

Shape into 1-inch thick patties. Pan-fry on both sides in 2 tablespoons olive oil or butter until golden brown. Approximately 5 minutes, then flip for an additional 3-4 minutes.  The original recipe says this makes about 8 cakes.  But I made mine a little smaller, and thinner (so they’d be crispier) and I came out with 12 patties.

Fry, baby, fry!

These little suckers came out pretty darn good.  Nice, light and crispy.  They were missing something.  I probably needed some kind of dipping sauce like tartar sauce to accompany them. But overall, I was happy with my salmon cake adventure!  Bon appetito!

Honey Boy Salmon Patties

Reinventing my Wheel

I’ve been in a rut lately.  I’m 28 and there are so many things that I want to learn, do, and see.  But all I ever find myself doing lately is working, working, working.  Like most of you all, I have bills to pay, a family I’m responsible for, and just the mundane, trivial life-sucking habits that happen to us when we grow up.  But, that’s an attitude I want to shed!  Today, I’ve decided to cultivate some life skills that will pour passion, inspiration, and happiness back into my life.

• Writing
• Cooking
• Creating

WRITING- When I was in the third grade, my favorite part of the day was our writing lesson.  We’d get prompts of things were supposed to write about that day in our journals.  I’d be so excited as our teacher wrote our day’s mission on the chalk board.  Would it be describing a picture of a forest filled with butterflies?   Maybe a persuasive letter to the President about how to bring world peace?  Or maybe a how-to article about making a peanut butter jelly sandwich?  Whatever it was, I was ready to take on the challenge and let the words pour out of me.  My teacher recognized this passion for writing and brought me to a young people’s writing conference downtown later that season.  It was exciting yet scary at the same time.  There were so many children.  All wanting to be writers and all with the same dreams like me.  We all gathered in an auditorium to be greeted by the sponsors of the event.  The first question the host asked the audience was, “Who wants to be a writer when they grow up?”  The question lingered with me as I saw all the little arms shoot up into the air while mine stayed timidly by my side.  I’ve always been a worrier.  It’s in my nature.  Did I want to become a writer when I grew up?  I didn’t know and not having that answer has stayed with me for a long time.  I’ve always wondered what could have happened if I had the courage to raise my hand that day in response to that haunting question.   But now, as I’ve gone through my life writing little short stories in secret and swallowing excuse after excuse, I’m facing my ghosts and telling my third grade self, “Yes!  You do want to become a writer!”

COOKING- There was a time when I refused to taste my homemade Vietnamese fish sauce (nuac mum) to see if I’d created the right balance of sweet, sour, and spicy.  I refused to use a recipe, because “I didn’t believe in them.”   I didn’t know the first thing about how to make a soup.  And I didn’t know how powerful the art of seasoning could be.  Why?  Why all the ignorance and stubbornness?  It was silly.  So I decided to really focus and learn how to become a better cook.  Ever since I’ve poured over countless CookingLight, Gourmet, and GoodLiving magazines.  I’ve been glued to watching America’s Test Kitchen.  And I always have a stack of cooking books on my kitchen table ready to pluck a recipe or tip from one of them.  But there’s still so much to learn!  I want to test my hand at French cooking like Julia Childs, I want to make something in a Moraccan tangine, I don’t want to be scared of souffles, and so on and so on.

CREATING- My mom came to this country when she was 17.  The first job she got when she was in the US was to become a sewing employee for a large garment factory.  She worked 14 hour days.  She slaved over a sewing machine and still did hand stitching when she came home.  We didn’t have a lot when we were growing up and I remember my mom making our clothes.  I still look at the pictures of me and my sister wearing hand knitted sweaters and our hair tied up in yarn.  As we grew up, things got better and I never learned how to sew or knit myself.  I wonder if my mother never taught me because it reminded her of how hard she struggled when she immigrated here.  Or maybe it was my own selfish attitude of not wanting to learn.  There’s so much hindsight when we grow up, isn’t there?  Things we wished we knew back then that we know so well now.  Well, there’s never a better time then the present.  So I’m deciding to learn how to sew and knit.  To create and make beautiful things.  To be able to make my mother a sweater or a throw blanket to show her that I love her and appreciate everything she’s ever done and gone through to make a better life for our family.  And to also try to make my own clothes and make my mother proud.

Okay, enough of all this emotional reminiscing.  I hope this journey leads me on a path to self-enlightenment.  And I hope you enjoy it with me.  Thanks.